It’s Easter! And while this is supposed to be a blog about feminism and gaming, I thought I would take a moment to talk about the primary symbol of the holiday… Peeps*!
Personally, I’m not much of a fan of Peeps, and yet every year, I wind up getting at least one box of these things. Typically, I wind up just throwing them away, but this year, my wife has been finding all kinds of suggestions on the internet about what you can do with Peeps.
So far, my personal favorite has been PeepWars.net; a site with official rules for Microwave Peep Wars. Nevertheless, while I enjoyed this site, I found myself wanting something a little more crunchy, and a little less fluffy (no pun intended). So, in the spirit of the season, I decided to create a 3.5 stat block for the dreaded, Yellow Peep! Warning: This creature has not been playtested. Please consult your DM before operating heavy machinery.
Hit Dice: 5d10+45 (72 hp)
Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares), climb 5 ft.
Armor Class: 3 (-2 size, -5 Dex), touch 3, flat-footed 3
Base Attack/Grapple: +3/+11
Attack: Slam +1 melee (1d6+2 plus marshmallow goo)
Full Attack: Slam +1 melee (1d6+2 plus marshmallow goo)
Space/Reach: 15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Marshmallow goo, engulf, improved grab
Special Qualities: Amorphous bond, blindsight 60 ft., immunity to cold, electricity, and sonic, ooze traits, sticky body, vulnerable to fire and acid.
Saves: Fort +10, Ref -4, Will -4
Abilities: Str 14, Dex 1, Con 28, Int -, Wis 1, Cha 1
Organization: Solitary, pair, or cluster (4-5)
Challenge Rating: 5
Treasure: 1/10th coins, 50% goods, 50% items
Alignment: Always neutral
Advancement: 6-12 (Huge); 13-24 (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment: -
This creature looks like a malformed, baby chick. Its exterior is covered in a rough, sandy, yellow substance, except for its sides, which ooze with white goo.
A yellow peep is like the ridiculous dream of a mad wizard. Haunting dungeon corridors, caverns, and other dark, cold places, the creatures seem to suddenly appear in mass quantities every spring, disappearing again shortly thereafter.
While these creatures routinely dine on the flesh of living creatures, they are unable to digest harder materials, such as bone, wood, metal, or stone. Thus, yellow peeps are often seen with various objects- such as swords, spears, or bones, protruding from them as these items are slowly expelled from their body.
A typical yellow peep is roughly 15 feet in diameter, and weighs approximately 50,000 pounds, though much larger specimens are not unknown.
A yellow peep attacks by slamming what appears to be its head into its opponents.
Amorphous Bond (Ex): A yellow peep can adhere its body to another yellow peep of the same size as a full round action. Yellow peeps that are thus conjoined are treated as a single creature one size category larger than the two base creatures, gaining a +8 size bonus to Strength, and a +4 size bonus to Con. All penalties and bonuses to attacks, damage, Armor class, and skills gained because of the creature’s increased size also apply. If attacked with a slashing weapon, the amorphous bond between two peeps is automatically broken and all remaining hit points are split between the two creatures.
Engulf (Ex): Although it moves slowly, a yellow peep can mow down Large or smaller creatures as a standard action. It cannot make a slam attack during a round in which it engulfs. The yellow peep merely has to move over its opponents affecting as many as it can cover. Opponents can make attacks of opportunity against the peep, but if they do so, they are not entitled to a saving throw. Those who do not attempt attacks of opportunity must succeed on a DC 17 Reflex save or be engulfed; on a success, they are pushed back or aside (opponent’s choice) as the cube moves forward. In addition, a yellow peep can engulf any creature that it has successfully grappled, as part of a move action, one round after the grapple has been established (no save).
Engulfed creatures are considered entangled, helpless and unable to breathe inside the creature’s gooey body. Creatures that perish due to suffocation while inside a yellow peep’s body have their flesh slowly digested over a period of 1d6 days (see the Dungeon Master’s Guide for rules on suffocation).
Creatures who are engulfed by a yellow peep can attempt to break loose by spending 1 round and making a DC 20 Strength check, or a DC 25 Escape Artist check. Once loose, a creature is considered automatically entangled by the yellow peep’s marshmallow goo (see below).
Improved Grab (Ex): To use this ability, a yellow peep must hit with its slam attack. It can then attempt to start a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity. Yellow peeps often use this attack in combination with their engulf ability.
Marshmallow Goo (Ex): Creatures that are hit by a yellow peep’s slam attack must succeed at a DC 24 Reflex save or be entangled in a gooey substance exuded from the creature’s body. Removing the substance requires a full round action that provokes attacks of opportunity. The save DC is Constitution-based.
Sticky Body (Ex): Creatures that attack a yellow peep in melee must succeed at a DC 17 Strength check, or risk having their weapons stuck to the creature’s body. This ability is particularly dangerous to creatures who rely on natural weapons to attack their opponents, as it makes them much more susceptible to the creature’s engulf ability.
Tune in next year, for the horrific, Purple Peep, updated for Fourth Edition!
*Unless you’re Christian. In that case, you probably think about lilies or Jesus as being the primary symbols of Easter, and then Peeps.